How I knew my marriage would last
When I met my husband, people said that it would never last. I was 21 years old and he was 28 years old. We had only been dating for two days when he proposed and my gut told me to say yes. We weren’t even dating for two weeks before me and my son moved in with him. I faced a lot of criticism from my family. I thought it was love at first sight. I was naive and stubborn at the same time. I was determined to prove my family wrong.
We didn’t get married until a year later. In the meantime, we had only been dating for seven months before I found out that I was pregnant with our daughter. He knew I was pregnant before I did. He even knew that I was having a girl. During all this, we had a very violate relationship that would occasionally end in violence. Through all this, I stayed. I loved him and we had been through a lot in a short amount of time. I thought that we would make it through anything.
We welcomed our daughter and things were ok. We were happy and we were the American Family. Little did we know that this would be the calm before the storm. We had our moments where it was physical then we had moments were we were the perfect happy family. We made it to our first anniversary much to everyone’s dismay. They thought that we would only last six months.
The next year was an even rougher one. We were fighting more and we also found out that my son was diagnosed with High Functioning Autism. In the midst of all that I began to have an affair with a customer at my job. I was checked out of my marriage but I couldn’t bring myself to end it. There was so much at stake.
Everything eventually came to head like it always does and one month before our second anniversary we separated. My husband was determined to make things work. On our second anniversary, he begged and pleaded to see me and all I gave him was an hour of my time. We sat awkwardly in his car for an hour before I said I wanted to go back to my house. He handed me a handmade card in drove off in defeat. We stayed separated for six months. During that time, I had him arrested for harassment. He eventually took the guilty plea and we found our way back together.
We thought that we were ready to make it worked. Though everything that had happened we still loved each other. However, that was short-lived, we managed to stay together for three months before we separated again. We thought that we were done and that there was no going back. Like before we slowly found our way back together. It started out as friends with benefits then somehow we ended back together as a couple. He came to my rescue when things became violate for me and my father. He was my tainted knight in shining armor.
It was rough trying to make it work for the third time. Our fights became more heated and more passionate. We both had a lot of hurt feelings. He was wounded by the infidelity and I was wounded by the domestic violence. We both wanted our relationship to work. We had been through too much just to throw it away. However, we didn’t know how to make our once toxic relationship healthy. I threw myself into getting my son the help he needed and he threw himself into providing for our family. We thought if we ignored all the hurt that it would go away. All the pent up feelings began to ooze into our arguments. I began to become closed off to him emotionally. I was determined to make this work for the sake of our children. They didn’t deserve all the back and forth between me and their father. They seemed happier with us together. When things weren’t bad between us they were really good. We were like fire and ice.
Then came another blow, my mental health started to deteriorate. I was heading down a dark road and no one knew what to do. I eventually tried to end my life two days before Thanksgiving. I told him that I wanted to die and he played it off. Little did he know how serious I was. Everyday became harder and harder until I snapped at a Case Manager meeting for our son. They sent me to get evaluated and I ended up spending nine days in a mental hospital. That made my husband realize how bad things really were and how close he came to losing me. It seemed to put some fire back into him. He became my biggest supporter. He started seeing things through my eyes. I came home and it seemed like there was more passionate and consideration in our relationship. My recent hospitalization also showed me who really had my back.
Once I was home, we started focusing on what really mattered. Our fights happened less and less. We have only had two arguments since I have been home from the hospital. Even when I started to slip back into that dark road, he was there holding a light. He was lost for words at how to keep me from jumping off the edge. So he did what he didn’t do last time, he reached out and got me help right away. I was re-evaluated and spent eight hours in the worst environment ever. He managed to convince the doctor that I was better off at home and in a partial hospitalization program then there.
We have beat the odds and turned our once toxic relationship into a healthy one. We have agreed to do martial counseling to work through our problems. We have learned that we need to role model a healthy relationship for our children. I am not saying that the last five years have been easy but I am saying that with hard work and love that any relationship can make it too. At the end of the day if it is true love it will endure all.